The solution is simple. Men raised by fathers who respect women, as I was. By a father who was, otherwise extremely traditional. A WWII vet who honestly believed feminism was one of those women's plumbing problems they went to ob/gyns for. If you talked to him about toxic masculinity or greater equity in the homefront, he'd shake his head as he continued to mop the floor & prepare another load of laundry for the wash.

I raised my own son that way. He did really well getting hot girlfriends, ultimately a fiance who could have been a fashion model. He was gentle, kind & considerate. I never told him to be those things. I showed him. Although otherwise far, far from a perfect parent, I believe I offered him a positive example of relating to women.

Incidentally, I was an incel during my teen years, long before the term was created, of course. I blamed women for being shallow—imagine being on a B'nai Brith social outing & being introduced to some pretty girls while standing next to you is a tall, bronzed kid fresh in from Israel—talk about being invisible!

It didn't matter. I lucked out. I found a great woman who married me & put up with my shit for the past 40+ years.

I don't believe masculinity is a lie. Bad behavior is bad behavior. I was also lucky in having gay & lesbian friends early on, during a period when only Quentin Crisp was out of the closet. I learned that some gay men could outdo the Marlboro Man in terms of traditional, Harley-Davidson riding masculinity, & that some of the people I had the most in common with were Jewish dykes with names like Butch & Randy.

LA born & raised, now I live upstate. I hate snow. I write on healthcare, politics & history. Hobbies are woodworking & singing Xmas carols with nonsense lyrics